Feverish gratitude (20 years late?)

In honor of the way my 31st year has begun, I give you my thoughts from Monday, written in the middle of the flu.

For a moment you feel okay, and you think maybe you aren’t really as sick as you thought you were. Then the chills come, and you brace yourself for the pain they bring as they run up and down and up your body like Rachmaninoff playing scales.

And you want your mom.

There’s something about a mom that nothing else can replace. My friends are wonderful– picking up my prescription and getting me chicken soup. But a mom…

Right now I’m alone and the remote control is so far away. That wouldn’t have happened twenty years ago. It would be next to me. It’s so hard to lift my head to drink fluids. Twenty years ago, Mom would have somehow produced a straw from the kitchen cabinet.

I don’t know what I would do if I had children. I can barely move, much less take care of another living being. While my friends may lament not being married with kids… Right now I lament not being 11.

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4 thoughts on “Feverish gratitude (20 years late?)

  1. michelle says:

    I have a friend who told me when her grandmother was sick in bed and dying she wanted her mother. She was in her 90’s . We never stop wanting mommy when we are sick.

  2. Jane says:

    Joan, happy belated birthday, and I am so sorry you are sick. Everyone here at work has had it, including me, but mine was mercifully short in duration. Hang in there, and sleep as much as you can!

  3. Anne says:

    Oh ugh. I hope you feel better soon!!! I always want my mom when things are tough. I hope you’re at least back in your own apartment.

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