Have you ever had a song that could be the lead song on the soundtrack of a certain moment in your life? I should start writing them down, because I have so many. They come on my Pandora station and I am immediately taken back to a certain moment — I can smell the smells, feel in the pit of my stomach the same emotions, good or bad. When I heard Nickel Creek live this summer, as soon as they began playing songs from their title album, I was taken back to a summer of fun at my friend Annie’s new apartment — long before her four girls, when her husband was still a lovesick college boy with unrequited love for her, when we spent hours sitting on her roof, laughing, singing, writing short stories, goofing off without cares in the world.
Accidentally in Love immediately takes me back to my graduation dance at Christendom, when that boy that I had waited for two years to ask me to dance gave me one of the greatest swing dances of my college career. That song comes on and I’m a girl on the verge of leaving everything she’s loved for the past four years, already an emotional mess, and that boy comes through the crowd with hand outstretched. It’s crystal clear, like the closing scene in the movie of my senior year… minus that happy ending of the boy asking to marry me at the end. Haha!
This morning I turned on Delta Rae’s If I Loved You, and I was back at their live show at 12th and Porter, wincing at every word of the song as it unraveled in front of me, wishing that my life wasn’t quite so movie-like at times.
If I loved you, life would be easy /
There’d be no truth that I’d be scared of
Yes, that would be lovely, I thought as I stood there with a boy I didn’t love.
But I don’t love you, not like you need it /
I don’t love you, good as you are
Stomach roll. Why is life so strange? You are so good… everyone’s going to think I’m crazy when I break it off…
But I don’t love you, much as I want to /
I don’t love you, no, it would be a lie /
And you deserve love, you’re better than a good day /
And you’ll find it, but just not in my eyes
Thank you, Delta Rae.
Good and bad memories, ones that never disappear, thanks to some lyrics and instruments. What will the song from this summer be? Will it be one of the songs that I’ve had on repeat these days — or will it be one that will surprise me? All I know is that I’ll be sitting in a coffeeshop five years from now and I’ll be brought back to the summer of 2014, the crazy happy times of short-notice cookouts and road trips, the heart wrenching moments when I knelt in the chapel and asked God why He created the human heart the way He did, the strange in-between weeks of transitions and new jobs, the laughs, the tensions, the tears, the annoyances and the joys…
And I’ll be glad that we have the gift of music.
Here’s to the future soundtrack of 2014.