Tonight one of my friends mentioned a friend of hers she wanted to set me up with who “really wanted to get married.”  I half-joked about that being a turnoff.   “There are two turnoffs in a man,” I announced.  “Those who don’t want to get married and those who want to get married too badly,”

Of course, I’m sure there’s a very nice man out there right now who probably fits in one of those categories and who, because God has a sense of humor, I’ll end up marrying.  Ha.

But let me explain.  I think the first one is self-explanatory, so I won’t waste time talking about it.  But the second – the one who wants to get married “too badly,” I think might be a bit more controversial.  I can hear everyone now: “But if he knows his vocation is marriage, shouldn’t he want to get married?!”

Okay, so I’m not talking about the guy who has discerned his vocation to marriage and is now living a happy life wooing good virtuous Catholic girls in order to find his wife.  If only there were more of those in the world.

I’m talking about the kind of guy that wants to get married so badly that in the middle of a conversation with him I begin to wonder if he really sees me or if he just sees marriage material.   Are you flirting with me because you think I have a great personality?  Or because I would make a nice baby machine? (Girls fall into this trap, too, of course.  Do you love him?  Or have you convinced yourself you love him so that you can have babies?  Are you in love or just afraid of being alone?)

I’m talking about the guy that is so anxious to get married that he’s solely focused on the fact that he’s not married at this moment.   If you can’t be happy with today, why do you think you’ll be happy with tomorrow?  Even if I was the perfect girl, I’m not going to make you happy if you can’t be happy right now.  That’s too much to ask.  God can make you happy, and you’re not letting Him right now.  So why would married life be different?

So yes, I want a guy who is not opposed to settling down and starting a family.  But it’d be nice if he wanted to start a family with me and not just a girl who fits his checklist.

That being said, speaking of checklists, I present to you my list of turnoffs.  So Good Catholic Boys (GCBs), pay attention.  Courtesy of this GCG (Good Catholic Girl).

1. Cursing, especially in front of us

2. Not holding the door open for us

3. Not praying

4. Not going to Mass

5. Being too anxious to get married

6. Being not anxious enough to get married

7. Not having a sense of humor

8. Wearing flipflops to Sunday Mass

9. General lack of gentlemanly behavior in front of ladies

10.  Insulting/being disrespectful to others, especially those smaller/weaker/meeker than you

Obviously, there are more.  But I think that’s a nice start.  And obviously I don’t speak for all GCGs, and if you are offended by any of the above… well, see #7


2 thoughts on “Turnoffs

  1. sacredmonkeysofthevatican says:

    I don’t know why, but this is what your post reminded me of:

    How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?

    I’ll tell thee what, Prince: a college of wit-crackers cannot
    flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire
    or an epigram? No. If a man will be beaten with brains, he
    shall wear nothing handsome about him. In brief, since I do
    purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose that
    the world can say against it, and therefore never flout at me
    for what I have said against it. For man is a giddy thing, and
    this is my conclusion.—For thy part, Claudio, I did think to
    have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my kinsman,
    live unbruised, and love my cousin.

    I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, that I
    might have cudgeled thee out of thy single life, to make thee
    a double-dealer, which out of question, thou wilt be, if my
    cousin do not look exceedingly narrowly to thee.

    Come, come, we are friends. Let’s have a dance ere we are
    married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our wives’

    We’ll have dancing afterward.

    First, of my word! Therefore play, music.—Prince, thou art
    sad. Get thee a wife, get thee a wife. There is no staff more
    reverend than one tipped with horn

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