I had an interesting conversation with a woman at my pool today. I went out to catch some rays before the thunderstorms rolled in, and I expected to spend an hour or two reading my mystery novel. Instead, an older woman exercising in the pool struck up a conversation with me about my book, and it went from there.
I really enjoyed talking to her — she told me about her sons and daughter and grandchildren and lack of great-grandchildren and breaking her femur earlier this year and the long journey of rehab. When she mentioned Israel a number of times — her son used to live there, her grandson lives there, she used to teach schoolchildren about Israel- I conjectured she was Jewish. I soon found out she was, and we began talking about history, politics, and more.
I ventured to ask her about the current Administration’s support or lack there of for the state of Israel (I held my own opinions close to my chest, of course), after prefacing the question with, “I know we’re not supposed to talk about politics in public…” After we briefly spoke about that, she confessed her real worry about the country today was the disfunction and division in our government.
And then she brought up the war on women’s rights.
Of course, I didn’t say what I wish now I would have said. It’s easy to think of responses here, in the comfort of my own home. But there at the pool, with her thoughts and arguments right in front of me, I fumbled for words.
I’ve been thinking about these issues for months- years- my whole life. And at times I have all the answers. Other times I have none.
It’s frustrating to think “I should have said that,” or “Why didn’t I say this?” But I’ll pray for better words to say next time.
In the meantime, here is “What I wish I would have said…”
On Women’s Rights – aka the right to abortion – being threatened:
“I don’t like abortion, but I don’t want my government telling me what I can and cannot do.”
The government tells us what to do all the time. (I did say that.) It’s their job. No one is “forcing” a woman to raise a child — adoption is always an option, and there are thousands of couples in this country who would love to raise those children.
“Think of someone who has been raped — they shouldn’t have to have that child, who could one day grow up to be an alcoholic or have some other hereditary problem…”
It’s not the child’s fault that they were conceived in rape. Why should they suffer for the sin of a rapist? A child didn’t have to result from that union — but God chose to give the world a child through that sin … who are we to choose to kill that child?
“Our government needs to do something about people having guns … the fact that anyone can carry a weapon into a movie theatre…”
I wish someone in the movie theatre had been carrying a weapon and could have defended those people. (I did say that.)
Yes, our government has the responsibility to protect its citizens. … Whether they’re in a movie theatre or in their mother’s wombs.
Isn’t it interesting that people think that children who are conceived by rape will turn out to be tainted in some way? I remember at 40 Days for life, a young father who is raising his two boys because his wife ran off, told a person who stopped at the sidewalk and posed the same question about children conceived by rape “It’s not the child’s fault. Why kill the child because of the sin of the father?” The person had no answer for him. We rationalize so much away.
When will women see that caring a child conceived outside of marriage and then giving it up for adoption is the greatest act of love there is? Abortion and single motherhood: two huge problems in this country today.
For some reason, I think I was taken aback to hear someone whose people have suffered so much & have been persecuted be “pro-choice.”
I know it’s hard for them to hear us compare what is happening in the wombs of this country to what happened in Germany and Poland, but how can you not see similarities? Not just with the threats against religious freedom, but the perishing of innocent people based on the opinions and desires of others.
The most interesting thing about this conversation to me was that you proved exactly why it isn’t polite to talk politics in a non-political social setting. You didn’t change her mind about anything, and she didn’t change yours either. All going there did was create some pointless anxiety for you (and maybe her), which you can accept but not resolve the cause of. You wasted your time, even after you had determined you both had more important things in common with each other.
Respectfully, I don’t think I wasted her time and she didn’t waste mine. Neither of us left the conversation upset — and while I wish I would have said more, I did respond to her opinions and maybe gave her something to think about.
I don’t think we should avoid talking about politics — talking about the issues in a non-threatening conversational way is important. I am always interested in why people think the way they do — that’s why I asked her opinion in the first place. I don’t often have the opportunity to speak to people of Jewish heritage, and I was curious to see what she thought about our current support or lack thereof of the state of Israel. She brought up the other issues, and her doing so alerted me to my own need to better express my beliefs.
If we’re always afraid to speak about hard issues, how will we ever achieve unity? So much prejudice stems from misunderstandings, and many people hold beliefs about morals and politics because they’ve never been challenged.
You never know what seeds a few words may plant in someone’s mind.
About the gun thing – that guy who walked into the movie theatre (No, stop it, spellcheck, I’m going to spell theatre the right way with a ‘tre’!!) with those weapons did it illegally. There are laws against guns in public places and he broke them. Duh.
More laws against guns will still not prevent some wacko from doing something like this occasionally. Because they don’t care about the law.
Absolutely. Someone willing to murder is not going to be stopped by gun control laws.
Exactly.
also, people who have suffered a lot and have been persecuted may feel that they want to keep everyone else from having to suffer and be persecuted. Because unless you see that there is a redeeming value in suffering, it is pointless and something to be avoided at all costs – even if it means the child doesn’t even get a chance to live. The child’s life will be nothing but suffering; therefore, it’s better if he doesn’t have to go through that. Never mind that some of the greatest people in history were born and became great despite some physical or mental disability. In fact you could argue that it was having to overcome those obstacles that made them great.
But let’s not cloud the issue with facts.
sorry, i am just in an ornery mood today.
Wow, so the pizza dough lady lives at the Wessex? Who knew?
I agree with what Jill said. Maybe her view of suffering clouds her judgement or opinion of others who find themselves in difficult situations?
Maybe you’ll run into her again and you can say… “I’ve been thinking about our conversation, and…” then you can say these things.